Letter to Leila

Dear Leila,

I have written these letters in my head hundreds of times, but writing them out always brings me to tears.

In just a few days it will be July 16th.

You would have been 6 months old.

When I think about that, that you would have been 6 months old, it takes my breath away. I think about how big you would have been, how beautiful you would be. How beautiful you are now, in Heaven.

I would give anything to see you.

Saying I miss you just doesn't seem to be enough.

You were taken from us too soon: there was so much love we wanted to give you. So many things we wanted to teach you and show you. Your big brother wanted to show you all of his toys and play with you outside.

He used to talk about you every day, but now he talks about you less and less. I think he knows you are with him though, because every now and then I catch him on his "phone" talking to "baby".

I don't know if you can feel what I feel for you, or if you even know who I am, but I hope you know that you changed my life forever.

I am so blessed to have known you, even if only for 12 days.

I wish I had words that could bridge this gap between Heaven and earth... I wish I could wrap my arms around you and tell you how much we love you.

As we speak your big brother crawled into my lap and kissed me and told me it's okay. I am so sorry we will never get to see the little person you would have become.

This Saturday will be your 6 month day. We are going to be releasing balloons for you.

Dozens and dozens of them.

My wish is that the whole sky be filled with balloons for you.

I want to paint the sky pink.

Just for you, and the other angel babies that left their families too soon.

Share them. Laugh at them. Smile and shriek in delight.

Let your happy laughter echo through Heaven.

Maybe, just maybe, we will get a glimpse of your light on Earth.

I love you, Leila.

I will always love you.

Love,

Mommy.